Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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