OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
