well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
