You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize