How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
