yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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