She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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