Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
