Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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