last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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