he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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