i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
