Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
