My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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