We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize