Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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