Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
