dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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