If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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