took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
