dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
