You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
