I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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