just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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