Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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