i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
