Non-Jews are for practice
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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