Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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