I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
