yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Don't make out with my wife yet
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I enjoy the company of your penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
