At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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