He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
