It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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