Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
