Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
