is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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