i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
