Pants 0. Shit 1.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
