Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
