Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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