Im at strip club and am horny
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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