I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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