Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We got so high we made milksteak
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
