My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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