Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
