Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
