FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
