come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
