Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
40s are totally the cure
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
