Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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