i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i need an iv and a liver transplant
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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