apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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