Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
