Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
