dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We need to get me chipped asap
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
