Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize