I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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