My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
