The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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