Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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