OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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