my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
