OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize