let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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