Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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