sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
