Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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