we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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