No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize