I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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