I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
