Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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