Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
