i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
