You just made me feel so damn special
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
