Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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