someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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