i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
