I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
