Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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