u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize