apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
