Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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