you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
