just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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