my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
