Can i not drive my cunt home
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
