The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
