Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
