So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
