I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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