You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
