you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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