Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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