i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
