i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
