toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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