you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
