I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
