your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
