his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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