i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
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